Saturday, 27 October 2007


Its being a very busy 3weeks for me. Solomonsydelle and Catwalq have asked for an update and that exactly what you all will get an update.

Home Front

DH will be arriving from Calabar in a couple of hours and I need to hurry up and pick him up at the airport. I spent the better part of this morning in the kitchen cooking up a storm and I hope he appreciates it. Old man has said 'thank you ' already but demanding for food as soon as he saw the pots sizzling away. His future wife just must know how to cook.

Senior boy has started piano lessons in school which is good. He seems to enjoy it and he likes Mr. Taiwo the music teacher. He says he wants to learn the drums too.My friend Tani's son too is keen about drums and we are thinking of buying a drum set. The cheapest in the market is 36 grand and we are not sure we want to spend so much on an instrument. what if they lose interest? who will house the drums? are we ready for the noise from the rehearsals. We decided a cheaper and better option is to find someone with a drums set who is willing to teach children under 4 years old. We are still looking.

I had to go to Ilorin during the week and even though I spent just a night at home I enjoyed every minute of it. I wish we could all go and live there permanently. DB is ok and we didn't have any of our fights. Someone is getting more matured I must say. We had a nice mother daugther chat and we agreed on every issue. I'm so proud of myself.

Our nanny says she is leaving. I was disappointed but she can go if she likes. My boys will never 'leave'. I asked her these morning what time she will be going and she said she will be staying another week. I'm already looking for replacement. The boys will miss her cos she is good with them but life goes on. And like my mum will say with each passing day the Boys are growing older and less dependent on a Nanny. Its all a matter of time.

My sista and her family are moving to the US next month. Her hubby has done nothing but complain for the 2 years plus they lived in the UK. He is finally going back to his US of A. Packing is in progress and I wish I could just go and see her before they go. Any one with a free return ticket to London wondering what to do with it?


Work is ok. New challenges everyday and I'm loving it. I love work yes o I'm one of them. Abuja office will be opened in a couple of days and excitement is in the air. I'm having major issues with some of the staff but nothing we cant work out.

I have decided to go back to school full time in 4 years time. Its crazy but yes its all part of the big picture and Nonesuch having it all campaign.I'll fill you guys in as the plans unfold.

Thinking of how to make some extra money on the side. any ideas?

This will be all for now. Dh's flight will be arriving soon. I don't want to keep him waiting.

My friend as a bun in the oven. She about 5 weeks gone. I'm so excited for her. The Baby is due in July and I so want the baby to share my birthday. Two of my friends have had their babies on my birthday and another a day after.I'm already putting together a care pack which I'm sending to Kaduna on Monday. I'm so happy for her.

Saturday, 6 October 2007

Can a Woman have it all....?

I woke up this morning angry,( I went to bed angry by the way). My anger was fuelled by the fact that the singular most important man in my life( there are many important men in my life) could just not read the handwriting on the wall.The details of which are irrelevant to this post. I make it a point to strike when the iron is hot cos by nature once that moment is lost and I'm no longer fuming it is gone. I can not hold malice or bear a grudge; ask me a week or a couple of hours after the occurrence and i might not be able to tell what it was that set me off even when I'm hurting badly ( but I'm becoming a a fast learner which is bad).
I said my piece in anger and stormed out of the room to carry on with other chores.

As I rode to work all I could think of how 'marginalised' i felt and at what point will enough be enough especially when the other person doesn't seem to take you seriously. I thought of all the married women I knew my mother inclusive and all the 'issues' they all seem to have. I also reflected on the ones in public life, the Okonjo Iweala, Dora Nafadac, Oby etc etc etc and wondered what 'breed' their men were. What issues do they have to grapple with? Are they really happy or is it all a facade? Do they really have it all? By that I mean, successful marriage, careers and good children? Cos for me success in one and not the other isn't it. You have to have it all. i dont agree with that saying that as a woman you have to make a choice career or marriage. That all bullsht. I also don't agree a woman who can be working and making a difference or be an employer of labour should just stay home and take care of the children even though I agree its a lot of hard work.I asked myself, Can a woman have it all? Can Nonesuch have it all?

I got to the office and met a few of my colleagues ( all women ) having a chat. We were all married and I don't need to tell you what the hot topic of debate was. Uzo*'s marriage will be 30 years in December and Dupe* has being juggling all the balls for 13 years. Mo* and I have being married for 5 years. And from all that i gathered we all had issues, insecurities, and a desire for more.We also wanted to know if a woman can have it all. Uzo who has being at it for longer is more cynical. She is of the opinion that you cannot change a man and all you need to do is accept him the way he is and love him for who he is. Let me quote her, ' all those women you see are they really married? Most of them are just co habiting' that was her response to the women who appear to have it all. Dupe told a story of a classmate of hers who made a First Class Distinction about 20 years ago and whose husband says she couldn't go for a Masters Degree, let alone work. Bear in mind that women are about 48% of our population o. Isn't it foolish to make this percentage redundant like some would like?Dupe's is very unhappy and bitter but her children tell her not to worry they will make her proud by aspiring for all she wanted and more. African women just know how to take it in their strides and keep up appearances.Mo talked about a friend's mum who went back to school in her 40s and who is a Professor now.She married a man 20 year older than her. At the time he was busy building his career she was home having children. Now is old with Prostrate issues she is going after her dreams. ( that is almost funny) I know so many old miserable men with wives all over the world pursuing a careers in old age or taking care of their grandchildren while Baba has Okon the cook to keep him company. We went on and on and we didn't agree on anything but the fact that we all love our men. This Love they say is the reason we forgive and look the other way even when we know we deserve better. This love is why we are most times willing to help nurture and fulfill his dreams and aspiration when he doesn't even have a clue what your best food is or what shoe size you wear or understand why you so want to get another degree.This Love is why we get knocked up and start having children and put our careers on hold when he goes abroad for an MBA ( women have done that since forever and some are still doing it in the 21st century) even when our fathers are disappointed wondering what bug bit his daughter. This love is why you face VI traffic everyday, get home tired but still get into the kitchen to cook for him but he comes home and all he notices is that you smell of egusi.

The conversation was cut short when I had to go and attend to some issues and as I was going back to my desk a senior colleague from the office next door asked if I was free to attend an event with her.I accepted even though in my head I was wondering what did I just get myself into. I have a 1,001 chores to do and 1,002 people to see. But little did i know that I had an appointment with destiny ,luck whatever you might call it.My appointment was Ibukun Awosika even though i have know her for about 4 plus years now she was saying something I needed to hear. I was at the event for about 15 mins but it was worth every second. She talked to me directly and I'm glad I listened.

I know now without a D.O.U.B.T in my mind that a woman can have it all. Nobody said it will be easy but yes it is achievable. She is an example that you can do it all. I'm not going to settle for less. I'm NOT giving up on my Oyo man he will read and comprehend that which is written on the wall. Maybe he needs a dictionary or a thesaurus or a language instructor but he will read and understand. And at the end of the day it will be worth all the sacrifices and the 'scars' in my heart will all be part of the success story.