Thursday, 18 September 2008

Sibling Rivalry

My family isn't a very large one. I'm the eldset of 4. I have a sista and 2 brodas. We all love each. We are all unique but there is a common thread that runs in the weave of all of us. We say it as we see it. We are all very stubborn and we all have a very good sense of humour. We also always support each other. Our spouses try not to get involved in our 'fights' cos they all tend to end like it started. The few minutes of anger has so much fury that an outsider would be shocked and marvel at the intensity. Those moments are the opportunities you have to say it as you really feel.

Our parents have always allowed us to speak freely. The Freedom of Speech has always being in use in our home. If you don't one the other person to know what you think just keep quite. If you say anything to my Mum in confidence just know that my Dad will hear and my Sista across the Atlantic will also hear and then they will all had their thoughts and opinions. The revamped version will get back to you either by Yahoo IM or by text message or a phone chat.We are all in each others business.

My post is not about rivalry amongst the four of us but I needed to lay that foundation. This is not to say we don't have our 'fights' and 'arguments' about the most mundae of issues to the more serious ones like who is favoured most by our parents and who seems to have it easy and who is just not doing what they ought to be doing. These hopefully will be subjects of subsequent post in the not to near future.

Our extended family is also a very close knit one. The fact that my Dad is an only child of his Mama does not mean we don't have Uncles and Aunties and all manners of relationship with people that the EnglishLanguage has no word to define. My Mother also comes from a strong family of women who have married mostly within the clan and so our relations span across the length and breath of three or more communities, 2 LGA and 2 States.

My mum called me yesterday to say One of my Uncles lets call him Fineboy ( he is a fine boy by the way) called her at the crack of dawn saying his wife Aunt Virtuous Woman( She is a very good wife and mother) will be arriving in a couple of days . The issue however is he thinks she might be coming to end the Marriage. Now that is strange because I know the 2 of them are completed devoted to each other and they have 2 sons. Uncle Fineboy moved back to Naija full time about a 18 months ago. He is doing quite well and plan have already being set in motion for Aunt VW to relocate back too. The truth is Uncle Fineboy spends more time in UK than in Naija. He has one of his older brothers managing the business and he comes in and out for extended visits to see how things are going and all.

The gist is Uncle Fineboy's younger sista Playerhater ( I cant think of a more appropriate name) told Aunt VW that Uncle Fineboy has being philandering ever since he touched down in Naija. She paints a picture of a man with a mission to sow as much wild oats as can cover the fields of Lagos if Lagos was a big farm land. The irony is Playerhater is not in Naija. I wonder who and how she gets her information. Aunt VW seems to believe her and is really very upset. Initially i wondered why will she believe Playerhater who is not in Naija? But then Playerhater is his Sister. Why will she be lying?

What bugs me is even if its true i.e Fineboy is hoping around like a bee in a field of lilies should the Sister be the bearer of such news. If she was really concerned about her brother and all is this the best approach? What will be her 'joy' or great achievement if Aunt VW sues for big D on grounds of .... and there is a dissolution of the marriage How does she explain to her nephews I fueled the breakup of your parents. I just don't get it. Is she just a meddlesome interloper, a jealous siblings or a plain old fool who doesn't think before she speaks or acts.

The good news however is all the forces are at work to mediate between the couple and iron out the creases. I pray the both look deep inside them and focus on the good they have together. Uncle Fineboy should also work hard at reassuring Aunt VW so she is not easily swanned by these kinds of talk in the future. I know its hard especially when its the Sista feeding you with information .

I try to imagine what we would do if it was one of my siblings. If one of my broda was Uncle Fineboy and was alleged to be philandering. The spouse will the last to hear and he would really be in for I can just imagine the calls and the arguments and the fights that will go on. I don't think the any of my siblings will talk to the spouse first without having tried to sort out the issue amongst ourselves 1st. That I think is a better approach.

My Mum nicely summed it up with a Yoruba proverbs. Eyin kule lota wa, ile na seni gbe (Loosely translated to mean: The enemy is within)

What do you guys think of Playerhater?


A'dele said...

Just to say that Aunt Virtuous Woman does not believe Playhearter however, thinks she would be a fool not to follow up and check on Uncle Fine boy... 'wisdom is profitable to direct.
PS: playhearter needs to be shot at maybe then her mouth will stop yapping!

ababoypart2 said... cant we all get along!

Nonesuch said...

@Adele Well said. Aunt VW need sto stay closer to her man. And I couldnt agree more about Playerhater.

@Ababoypart2 Na so o If we can all live together in love.